Does freedom actually disappear when a man gets married? Or a woman for that matter.
This was a question that tortures every soul before they take the final plunge, some take many plunges within their lifetimes. A friend of mine said, upon me asking, ‘Love or Arranged marriage?’ He said, ‘it’s like asking whether you prefer accidental death or suicide’.
Let me take to this topic like a cat does to a hot tin roof. Before I do that, in this world there is a “I” and then there is “They”. “They” mean everybody who says the ‘M’ word to you. They come in droves, from every nook of the family driving you into a deep corner. But remember, they come out of concern, love, well-being and all the other match-making traits.
‘Marriage!! Are you nuts? I am way too young to get married’, I said to my Dad when I was 28. This coming from a man, who has had two girlfriends in his lifetime, and had committed on both occasions. No, Siree! marriage was definitively taboo for this young man.
He had time; he wanted to see the world, and all that other bullshit. His young hot blood has things to achieve. Plus there was this heavy feeling attached to marriage. Big words & phrases come to our minds; Responsibility, like as if I wasn’t responsible enough. I paid my taxes and I put garbage in bins, sounds a lot of bull and good old crock to me.
‘Responsibility!!! Bring it on’, I say and they have more to say. They say, “Settle down in life”. You know how it sounds - like a cow settling down to regurgitate cud to chew upon, since its swallowing it. I don’t look like ruffled sand in the muddy bottom of a river, to settle down. But yet they try different tactics. Usually these tactics are a group effort, thought out carefully and diligently deployed.
The first strike is in the morning, when you sit for breakfast. You are raring to go, your ‘take on the world’ attitude, pumping in energy with that most important meal of the day. Sneakily, with the kindest choice of words, you discover with your mouth half full that there is this ‘one girl’….
Suddenly with a dosage of chutney, toast or whatever the hell you are eating, you get a barrage of vital statistics or I would plain call it ‘the best dieting’ solution. Such impact, that your hunger disappears, as you squirm in your seat, trying to wrench yourself out of this diarrhoea of information of about a person that is described as perfect as God himself.
With your focus now completely un-focused, you leave to take on the cruel world. I think that’s why I listen to “What a wonderful world” in my car in mock irony. Wonderful indeed; and thus the morning begins. Having derailed a bit in the morning, by mid-day, you are back on track and steaming fully ahead. Bang right in the middle of you cracking the worst problem of that work-day, your seemingly silent mobile cracks your skull wide open to soap opera reality. Another familiar voice breaks your harmonious thought into ghoulish smithereens. It squeaks uncontrollably in your ear about this match that seems to have come from the very heavens. It goes on to every branch of that family tree, whilst your mind suffocates on trying to climb out of every one of them.
You gasp for air, trying to interrupt. But that sweet voice hypnotises you into a world of screaming scarecrows whose only chant is the “M” word. It stuns you, numbing the senses and voids any reactionary capability. You blurt out – ‘not now’, rudely enough to hurt the caller into a morbid face that refuses to talk to you when you eventually call back apologizing. ‘Don’t forget’ they quip; emphasising that emotional grip of doing so much good for you and yet you managed to treat him \ her like the way you did.
There’s nowhere to run. Friends are contacted - your friends. Up till now they never were, but now suddenly they are better friends of your parents. You try and meet up with friends, both the married kinds who have double whammy to deliver through their spouses and the unmarried ones. The unmarried ones gleefully knowing your impending doom sadistically ask to you decide or go on list out 20 really strange questions to ask that stranger when you eventually meet up with them.
This carefully thought questionnaire is after they have irritantly asked you to describe the girl or guy of your dreams. Tall, dark, long hair, beautiful smile, choice of music, working or otherwise, parents’ pedigree as if we were discussing of some animal species, outlook on life, broad-minded whilst as if all of us who are not, immediately accept that we have a narrow mind, habits like smoking and drinking and the list seems endless. I had a special one I recall, “Which is the time in your life when you laughed the most or heard the funniest joke? For God sakes, I think it is the time, if ever it comes, god unwilling, is when I ask this question.
Many have said “yes” to a formal proposal or some known stranger who goes on to divulge the darkest throes of their love to you. Whatever decision you make, think of the freedom you lose or gain.
The married ones, say it’s the best thing that happened to them. The unmarried ones won’t imagine touching it with a lengthy barge pole. But I think I’ll believe the ones who annul their marriages, because they jump right back into marriage at some point in time. What guts they have? Or is it faith? There after all, must be some good in it.
Freedom to give up freedom; what a wonderful world!
